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The Darkest Hour Means Dawn Is Just In Sight!

December 28, 2011

So instead of watching it, press the “Snooze” button and wait just a little bit longer!

The Darkest Hour

  • Starring: Emile Hirsch (The Girl Next Door), Olivia Thirlby (Juno), and Max Minghella (The Ides of March)
  • Directed by: Chris Gorak
  • Synopsis: In Moscow, five young people during their holidays lead the charge against an alien race who have attacked Earth via our power supply. The alien can see the humans, but the reverse isn’t true. The aliens are shapeless energy forms of yellow flares, and use weapons that turn structures and humans alike into dust. (courtesy wikipedia.org)
  • Trailer:

Ah yes! Another alien invasion film! Let’s count and see just how many of them in the past 10 years have been anywhere close to being decent, shall we?…Attack the Block, Battle: Los Angeles, umm, oh, nevermind, we can’t! Simply because we can’t remember them all due to how horrible almost all of them end up being! Well, add The Darkest Hour to the bunch.

Remember Skyline? The movie with the trailer that showed all of the humans being sucked up into the sky! Remember?! [Check out my awesome review of the film HERE to jog your memory or for just a pretty amazingly entertaining read!]

Pretend like you know what I’m talking about then! Okay! now that that is settled, the storyline here is almost exactly the same, as is the case in most of these films:

Strangers are together at a social gathering when unknown extraterrestrials appear and begin to maliciously and uninterruptedly destroy all life and obstacles in their way. A few survivors band together and fight amongst themselves and the aliens in order to survive…only, will they? And in the end, either the humans win, the aliens win, or the movie cops out and leaves a dangling tease of an ending suggesting either a sequel or otherwise?

Face it, the only reasons you watch these types of movies now without Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Pullman in them is because it’s fun to watch these types of movies and place bets with friends as to which person will die first. (Don’t look at the screen and judge me in disgust! You do it too!!) :D You either watch it for that or to see just exactly what the aliens will look like. But once the alien “reveal” is done, interest level plummets astronomically!

The Darkest Hour is no different in any way. Once again you find that you only care to see the aliens, and care almost absolutely nothing for the characters. And even the aliens don’t do much to keep your attention.

Yeah, the lights are cool and all, but you will find your attention drifting to thoughts and questions like:

  • “Man, I wonder if I could walk around Moscow in short sleeves and barefoot and not be cold?”
  • or “What would I do if an invisible alien was chasing me?”
  • or “Why in the world would anyone try to touch a light that came down from the sky in the first place?” and so on, and so forth!

Get it out your system, because those questions will NEVER be answered in this film!

Aside from Emile Hirsch’s performance at being believable in running from invisible assailants, there is almost no reason to watch this film. I almost left…twice! But stayed so that I could write this review and issue a proper warning!

Still don’t believe me? Here’s 2 final additional clues to help you avoid this film:

#1- Scott’s Law. Scott from over at Front Room Cinema has a law that states: “If I enjoy the trailer it normally turns out to be a BAD film.”

#2- T’s Law of Cast&Crew: Almost every time a major wide blockbuster releases and you have to ask yourself “WHO?” after reading each actor and director listed, it normally turns out to be a BAD film! (*that’s my law, btw) -look at the top of the page and tell me you knew any of the people mentioned aside from Emile, if that!!

So…here’s me, shedding some light on The Darkest Hour: It is the poster child for both of the aforementioned laws! It is no Independence Day, by far, and the weapons/explanation of practically everything ruins any and all credibility this film ever hoped to have! Run Away!

I’m almost 110% positive that they probably already have The Darkest Hour 2, or The Darkest Minute (or Day) in the workings. Oh. Joy.

Thanks for reading!

Enjoy if you wish…or don’t enjoy! Happy Watching!

-TheSp1der’s Score: 1 out of 5 stars for “The Darkest Hour” 

up next: “Trailer Time Thursday!”

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. December 28, 2011 7:47 pm

    •“Man, I wonder if I could walk around Moscow in short sleeves and barefoot and not be cold?”

    That was the point where I began laughing out loud.

    I knew this was a dumb movie from the first moment I saw the trailer. It begins with the line “Our dream vacation…! Moscowww!”

    WHO’S %#$&ING DREAM VACATION IS MOSCOW?

    LOL. And then the aliens are invisible. Mmmm… excuse to keep the special effect budget down. And then the tv spots hit. You know the ones, where they dont show anything at all but the disentegrating dog. LOL

    I’m just sad I dont think I’ll be able to fit it in for worst movie for 2011. Cause I think it would have a fighting chance!

    Like

    • December 28, 2011 8:21 pm

      haha! thanks for reading man! I wish I could say that it was better. I keep wanting alien invasion movies to be good…ha!

      and, you’re right, Moscow is no dream vacation! haha

      Like

      • December 29, 2011 7:02 pm

        Bah… sometimes its fun to see crap movies and rag on them. As you mention in your writeup!

        Like

  2. Matt Stewart permalink
    December 29, 2011 12:07 am

    Hahaha funny review T, glad you got the chance to see this one and not me ;)

    Like

    • December 29, 2011 7:35 am

      :D yeah, I bit the bullet on this one! Had to finish up the day by watching War Horse to make up for the bad movie! ha!

      Like

  3. December 29, 2011 4:43 am

    HAHAHA Thanks for using my LAW here. See i am never wrong.

    They should pay me to judge the trailers!!

    Sounds a shocker, I will avoid at all cost!

    Like

    • December 29, 2011 7:36 am

      ha! I had to use it, my friend! It was so appropriate!

      hahaha. Yes, do avoid this flick!

      Like

  4. January 9, 2012 7:44 am

    Fogs sent me here after I said I kinda want to see the film when it gets released here this week.

    I might have changed my mind drastically when you mentioned Skyline. I only just subjected myself to that last month… still scarred by the boredom!

    Like

    • January 9, 2012 6:45 pm

      haha. It would be a wise move to avoid this one! haha. Glad that Fogs could send you my way! Trust me…if you were bored with Skyline, you may as well call this its sequel!

      Like

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