It Slices and Dices!

Based off of the character and trailer in the Grindhouse movies, Machete comes to the big screen in full force with a lot of star power! Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin,…..even Lindsay Lohan (whose best acting performance still to date is in The Parent Trap). This movie gives tribute to the style of the Q. Tarantino as director Robert Rodriguez (Predators, Sin City, Spy Kids) brings the beheadings, disembowlments, headshots, and more to the screen. It definitely is a chop shop, and, as the movie progresses (slowly, I might add), it might make you wish that you were in the movie yourself. To be one of Machete’s victims might be an easier penalty than sitting through the entire movie!

Machete is the codename of an ex-federale agent from Mexico played by Danny Trejo. (I am glad that Trejo can enjoy success as an actor, but not everyone who is a GREAT supporting actor can be a great lead in a film.) Anyways. Placed in a position to strike back at those that killed his family, Machete is caught in the middle of a political battle. After he is betrayed by those that hired him, Machete goes on a rampage of revenge and comes across several bullets, bloodsplatters, and babes along the way. For all of you Michelle Rodriguez fans out there, you will not be disappointed as she plays her normal tough girl role in this film, and looks good doing so.

Aside from the action, which is plenteous, this movie bores. I was disappointed in how much I couldn’t wait for the movie to end, actually. The dialogue, bad acting, and lack of original plot made it difficult to stay in tune with the film. Although, I cannot be too harsh, because it is meant to be a B-movie. Fans of Grindhouse and Planet Terror will really enjoy the film. However, Machete didn’t do a thing for me throughout most of it. Yeah, it’s cool to see some action, and Padre Cheech with the shotguns….that was hilarious, but overall this is a film that I didn’t enjoy. But then again, I didn’t enjoy Grindhouse, or Zombieland, or movies like such either. I applaud their originality and avoiding mainstream cinematics and status quo, but not my favorite genre.

One other aspect of the movie that I have to mention, and wasn’t expecting going in, was the immigration/somewhat anti-American/racist overtones that are in the film. I said to myself, “Self, maybe it’s just me, but this film goes over the top in more than just action. It’s got some strong political and personal messages in it too. Doesn’t it?” My self said, “mm-hmm.” I looked up some more reviews online, just to see if I was off in my thinking….several others felt the same. It doesn’t really matter…it’s a movie. But, I wasn’t expecting the level at which it brought the issues up and it did get old and annoying. Me, myself, and I could’ve done without it. (Also, parents, in case the ratings don’t tip you off already, this is NOT a film for the kiddos, fyi….language, nudity, gore, violence, etc).

The level of gore, action, nudity, language, and poor plot make this film fun for the B-movie ethusiasts, but overall it is a disappointing film. It definitely sliced and diced any hopes I had of a goofy and over-the-top, but hopefully well-plotted, action flick. I am curious if the allure and following that these types of movies have is the reason that De Niro and some of the other big names were in this film. I’m still scratching my head over the cast choices. But, oh well. Perhaps that was the intent. Regardless, I may be done watching Robert Rodriguez’s movies for a while. 🙂

Thanks for reading!  

Enjoy if you wish…or don’t enjoy! Happy watching!

 –The Sp1der’s Score: 2.5 out of 10 stars Machete”

up next: “Trailer Time Thursday!!!”


  1. Really? You give it a 2 1/2 but you gave takers 7?!? I think that this should be a 5…generously of course…kinda like that 7 for takers? Just a thought Scarlett…I think it needs a generous one.


    • Haha. Thanks for commenting! Did you see Machete? I was generous to Takers. True. It at least kept my attention and kept me excited. Machete did neither and rightfully deserved it’s rating. 🙂 Let me know what you think when you watch it!


  2. I can honestly say that I was completely entertained during “Machete”. I laughed so hard on so many parts. However, I can kind of see the length of the film getting to some people. Its fairly long considering what it is supposed to be. At its length, some of its story driven scenes could have been cut entirely and not taken away from the effectiveness of the story. That said, I still personally enjoyed it.


    • Thanks for your comment! I am glad that the film succeeded in it’s goal to entertain you! The thing I love about movies and their audiences is that everyone loves different things! Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Robert Rodriguez has been doing a lot lately. Do you think he’ll do Sin City 2 ever? or will he continue with the Spy Kids movies?


  3. I’m pretty sure he will end up doing both. The only problem I see with Sin City 2 is that they already used the best of the comics for the first movie. So, unless Frank Millar writes new stories just for the sequel (like what he is doing for Zack Snyder’s “300” prequel), I think it wouldn’t live up to the first one. I am sure he will do it if/when the right time and material comes along.


  4. I liked it. Yes it does have overtones of serious issues, but that didn’t really bother me. That could have to do with me not seeing Machete as a serious movie even though it does reference real world issues.

    And this movie makes me yearn even more for a LIndsay comeback. I loved her in mean Girls, but she just can’t seem to get her life together.


    • Lindsay comeback? I do hope that she gets her life together…but I don’t yearn for her acting career to resurrect. I honestly was disappointed in Machete, in DeNiro, and in Alba for being in this one. Had no problem with Steven Seagal in it though.


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